• Monday, July 27, 2009 •

Yesterday, the trees are being cut down. I woke up at about 7: 30 A.M.  and got ready to go. Dad already have a plan to get us all of the house while the tree is being cut down. The entire family left the house. We ahve no idea where all of us are going. Dad knew it. He had his plans. He drove really far away to Duluth and we had memories. I had flashbacks about Duluth. We went to the Duluth Wal-Mart. I had more memories (I rememebred buying my first knitting needles and yarn from there). Afterwards, we went to Golden Corral. It's still really early. The breakfast buffet is one of the best. I remembered that when I was younger, going to the buffet makes me feel really happy. I could eat and eat and feel happy. Yesterday, I felt sad and alone. It didn't bring back joy like it did for me when I was 16 years old. I was wprrying about the sugar that's going to stuck to my teeth.

Afterwards, we went to the Farmer's Market and went home. We arrived home at about 12 P.M. nad saw that one of the trees are cut. The remaining pieces are still there. How dare they cut down the tree that is shading my window? I really liked that tree because it doesn't make my room sunny and bright.

I have made an appointment with a dermatologist on last Thursday. It was the first time making a dermatologist appointment. I was feeling really nervous!

I have to see the dermaologist tomorrow, at 1: 00 P.M.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Well, I woke up to my "guides" telling me that..." looks doesn't matter, but the heart does....." Beforehand, I had been asleep since 9 p.m. Earlier today, I was lamenting on how ugly I am.  I became obsessed with the mirror, trying to figure out why my face turned out the way it is. I really hate comparing myself to other celebrities, but I have to. I needed to know if I'm beautiful enough to work in modeling or even porn. I felt grateful, as they always give give out good advice sometimes.

I need to make a dermatologist appointment today, at 8: 30 A.M. I found one in North Buckhead. It's pretty close to Lenox Square mall. In fact, it's walking distance away from the mall.

I found one a board certified dermatologist near Doraville, but I didn't want to make arrangements about the distance, and the highway. I don't drive. No way in hell would I get on the highway. I've decided to find on near Atlanta.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

    On Wednesday, I tried to prostitute myself by going out into the night. I made an excuse that I had a night time job at the gas station. Clearly, my mother wasn't impressed. She was such a PRICK!!!!! She wouldn't let me gp out at night!!!!  I'm so angry at her!!   It's like she has to destroy my life!!!!!! Someday, I'll move out of this small town and go to L.A. I'll become a porn star. I will do anything to become a porn star. Alas, I'm still a virgin, which SUCKS!! Maybe in August, when school starts, I'll lie and say that I'm going to stay over at a friend's house. That way, I can hang around the streets and fuck different guys.

   I'll need a plane ticket to L.A. And I'll need to drop out of school.

   Dropping out will be difficult to do, since the administrators are shitheads. I'm selling my mattress to get the plane ticket.

   On Wednesday, I noticed at a mole on my right hip is changing colors. I was reading an old article in Glamour magazine and it was about skin cancer. I checked the mole and it had the ABC signs of skin cancer. It didn't have the "D" sign...which is when the mole might be more than 6 mm, it could be cancerous. I searched two days for ways to get to the dermatologist. There is one in Doraville, but I can't drive yet so I've decided to take public transportation. My mind changed. I want to take a taxi to the dermatlogist. the tricky thing is finding a way to come back home. There are no MARTA routes near the dermatologist's area. So I'll have to walk home. I'll need to call. It's very urgent. Unfortunately, my telephobia is getting in the way. I need to take a deep breath and go for it.

" If you're going to wait to do something, then you're never going to do it."

" Now or never." Ah. The classic quote. It helped me get over my fear of leaving my house two years ago.